The Effects of Sex

To gauge the effects of the demon sex
Expunge all froth and lathers,
And turn thine eyes from prudish lies,
O child of a thousand fathers!

Adam’n’Eve could scarce believe
Jehovah’s righteous passion;
And bit, to boot, forbidden fruit —
Thus fig leaves led to fashion.

Bathed in milk and decked in silk,
Queen Cleopatra’s fascia
Enraptured Caesar, who, to please her
Slaughtered half of Asia.

Helen of Troy and a big, tall boy
Called Paris, fl ed like silly ’uns.
Gorgeous hips, a thousand ships
And the Trojans died in millions.

Delilah lopped off Samson’s mop,
Post coitus, in a saucer.
For one great night that Israelite
Near lost the Philistine war, sir!

Napoleon’s Queen, fair Josephine,
Once begged him not to touch her.
Deprived of this pneumatic bliss
The fool invaded Russia.

Madam Mao was a cunning cow
In search of her own salvation;
She bent the plan of a sad old man
And crucifi ed her nation.

Norma Jean had a fatal scene
With Kennedy as her lover;
(Though sadly dead, I’ve heard it said
She also knew his brother).

John met Yoko, then went loco
Bellowing ‘Primal Foetals!’
Ono droned, the fans all moaned,
And that was the end of The Beatles.

Princess Di’ was young and shy,
The nations all assembled
To watch her wed, but the magic fled
And the House of Windsor trembled.

Young Jack and Jill still climb the hill
And it’s not that  complex, sir.
If you would sleuth for history’s truth...
Just check the effects of  sex, sir!
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